Anatomically Correct
Went shopping today with my mom, no kids in tow, which was a minor miracle in itself. After a nice lunch, we made a Wal-Mart stop simply to buy some toys for the li'l 'uns. The twins were pretty easy to buy for, just Poke'mon cards for them. I'm beginning to hate anything that involves tiny pieces of paper with pics and stats on it, since it usually involves parting with $6 for about 5 of 'em.
Anyway, I went to the doll section to pick up something for Sissy. Lo and behold, there was a doll that resembled a newborn baby to a tee: the clueless, lumpy face; the squinty eyes; the wrinkly, odd feet. With absolute sincerity the box declared it to be anatomically correct. I grabbed it without hesitation and threw it into the cart, noting from the blue of his swaddling blanket that this must be a male.
"Why?" asked my mother. "Sissy's only 16 months old. She won't care that this thing has a pee-pee."
*Sigh.* I couldn't really explain why except that I had always wanted an anatomically correct babydoll as a child. After having seen both male and female babies being diapered as a child, I knew that we aren't blank down there, and there was something, well, offensive about those blank dolls.
As soon as we were in the car, Mom opened the box to see exactly what they meant by anatomically correct. She removed the blue swaddling and noted the umbilical stump, which was covered with gauze and a band around the belly, something that hospitals haven't done in years. After removing the ruffly and decidedly girly cloth diaper, she gasped. I pulled over and saw
that
the doll was blank. Peter, as I was affectionately calling him, had an umbilical stump, a baby heinie, and absolutely nothing else.
I turned to my mother and said in my best old-lady voice, "Tilly, go back in that store and tell them I want this doll's penis!"
FYI, Tilly isn't my mother's name, it's just the most absurd name I can think of. Except for Nevaeh.
Anyway, I went to the doll section to pick up something for Sissy. Lo and behold, there was a doll that resembled a newborn baby to a tee: the clueless, lumpy face; the squinty eyes; the wrinkly, odd feet. With absolute sincerity the box declared it to be anatomically correct. I grabbed it without hesitation and threw it into the cart, noting from the blue of his swaddling blanket that this must be a male.
"Why?" asked my mother. "Sissy's only 16 months old. She won't care that this thing has a pee-pee."
*Sigh.* I couldn't really explain why except that I had always wanted an anatomically correct babydoll as a child. After having seen both male and female babies being diapered as a child, I knew that we aren't blank down there, and there was something, well, offensive about those blank dolls.
As soon as we were in the car, Mom opened the box to see exactly what they meant by anatomically correct. She removed the blue swaddling and noted the umbilical stump, which was covered with gauze and a band around the belly, something that hospitals haven't done in years. After removing the ruffly and decidedly girly cloth diaper, she gasped. I pulled over and saw
that
the doll was blank. Peter, as I was affectionately calling him, had an umbilical stump, a baby heinie, and absolutely nothing else.
I turned to my mother and said in my best old-lady voice, "Tilly, go back in that store and tell them I want this doll's penis!"
FYI, Tilly isn't my mother's name, it's just the most absurd name I can think of. Except for Nevaeh.
posted by Deonna at 8:03 PM
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