Not a Good Day to Die
I've never shared with you the day that changed my life forever, have I? Here goes:
As you might have guessed, I waited quite a while between having the twins and having the girl, seven years to be exact. Having twins will do that to you sometimes ;).
The night before my daughter was born, I literally couldn't sleep because I felt as if I were drowning when I lay down. My feet and legs were hugely swollen. However, I didn't worry about pre-eclampsia too much, since I had had it before with the twins. My whole body was grossly swollen when I had it then, not just my feet and legs. Surely I couldn't have it again. I didn't realize that I might have forgotten what it felt like in the years that had passed.
The next morning, I was tempted to stay home instead of contacting the doctor. After all, I had an appointment on Wednesday; surely I could make it a couple more days! Instead, I listened to what my gut told me and called my doctor, who told me to come in immediately.
After I got there, I was taken immediately back to an exam room after the blood pressure and urine specimens were taken. This had never happened to me. The doctor came rushing into the room about a half a second after I stepped inside. My blood pressure was 190/120. I didn't know it, but I was a walking stroke, a seizure waiting to happen.
After my transferral to labor and delivery, my breathing situation worsened. I didn't know it at the time, but I was an inch away from being intubated -- my lungs were being crushed from the weight of all the fluid surrounding them. My heart was also put under pressure by the fluid. I was in congestive heart failure, my lips had turned black. I was dying.
After the birth of my beautiful daughter by c-section, my condition did not go back to normal, even thought this is usually what happens with pre-eclampsia -- the only cure is the birth of the child. Instead, I was still filling up with even more fluid and was still feeling very sick, couldn't breathe. X-rays and echocardiograms were performed and showed that I was still not out of the woods. I was administered blood pressure medications, which pretty much put a stop to my breast feeding, and various other meds.
I came home from the hospital 4 days later. It was hard to take care of my daughter while feeling the effects of the blood pressure pills, which I will be on for the rest of my life even though my bp is fine. Why? My heart is still not right, will never be right. I have two leaking heart valves that are allowing blood to flow back into my heart. Eventually, they will have to be replaced. The walls of my heart are thinner now, and the pumping capability itself is compromised. My lungs are also very weak now and I'm highly susceptible to bronchitis and pneumonia. I have an O2 machine in my den and a spare tank in the bedroom in case the electricity goes out. Sometimes I cannot breathe at all, sometimes I have terrible chest pains.
Living with that has been horrifying. What if I die? How will Mac and the kids survive? Will the baby even remember me? When still pregnant, I considered how things would go after childbirth, and I expected to come home feeling less than wonderful. I didn't expect to be unable to walk the length of my house without stopping to rest until 3 weeks postpartum.
I also had to have a tubal ligation, since any more children would probably kill me. It hurts and depresses me to have that choice taken away.
I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I am so damn grateful just to be here with my loved ones. Every day is a gift. Please treat yours the same way. You never know when that day will come that changes everything.
As you might have guessed, I waited quite a while between having the twins and having the girl, seven years to be exact. Having twins will do that to you sometimes ;).
The night before my daughter was born, I literally couldn't sleep because I felt as if I were drowning when I lay down. My feet and legs were hugely swollen. However, I didn't worry about pre-eclampsia too much, since I had had it before with the twins. My whole body was grossly swollen when I had it then, not just my feet and legs. Surely I couldn't have it again. I didn't realize that I might have forgotten what it felt like in the years that had passed.
The next morning, I was tempted to stay home instead of contacting the doctor. After all, I had an appointment on Wednesday; surely I could make it a couple more days! Instead, I listened to what my gut told me and called my doctor, who told me to come in immediately.
After I got there, I was taken immediately back to an exam room after the blood pressure and urine specimens were taken. This had never happened to me. The doctor came rushing into the room about a half a second after I stepped inside. My blood pressure was 190/120. I didn't know it, but I was a walking stroke, a seizure waiting to happen.
After my transferral to labor and delivery, my breathing situation worsened. I didn't know it at the time, but I was an inch away from being intubated -- my lungs were being crushed from the weight of all the fluid surrounding them. My heart was also put under pressure by the fluid. I was in congestive heart failure, my lips had turned black. I was dying.
After the birth of my beautiful daughter by c-section, my condition did not go back to normal, even thought this is usually what happens with pre-eclampsia -- the only cure is the birth of the child. Instead, I was still filling up with even more fluid and was still feeling very sick, couldn't breathe. X-rays and echocardiograms were performed and showed that I was still not out of the woods. I was administered blood pressure medications, which pretty much put a stop to my breast feeding, and various other meds.
I came home from the hospital 4 days later. It was hard to take care of my daughter while feeling the effects of the blood pressure pills, which I will be on for the rest of my life even though my bp is fine. Why? My heart is still not right, will never be right. I have two leaking heart valves that are allowing blood to flow back into my heart. Eventually, they will have to be replaced. The walls of my heart are thinner now, and the pumping capability itself is compromised. My lungs are also very weak now and I'm highly susceptible to bronchitis and pneumonia. I have an O2 machine in my den and a spare tank in the bedroom in case the electricity goes out. Sometimes I cannot breathe at all, sometimes I have terrible chest pains.
Living with that has been horrifying. What if I die? How will Mac and the kids survive? Will the baby even remember me? When still pregnant, I considered how things would go after childbirth, and I expected to come home feeling less than wonderful. I didn't expect to be unable to walk the length of my house without stopping to rest until 3 weeks postpartum.
I also had to have a tubal ligation, since any more children would probably kill me. It hurts and depresses me to have that choice taken away.
I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I am so damn grateful just to be here with my loved ones. Every day is a gift. Please treat yours the same way. You never know when that day will come that changes everything.
posted by Deonna at 9:51 PM
1 Comments:
Thanks! Come back anytime! :)
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